Freakin Liars
My brother the other day told me a story about how he jumped off a 40 foot ladder and avoided injury by rolling as soon as his feet hit the ground.
A couple short years ago, another brother told me how a grade-schooler threw a rock that weighed as much as two persons heads (20-30 lbs) at his chest with one hand while he unsuspectedly ate watermelon. After being hit with the rock, unable to catch his breath while choking on watermelon, was drug around the state park by this tiny little man.
My baby brother called me a few days ago to tell me about fighting a monster that was trying to catch my sisters boyfriend, after fighting for a while he just yelled at the monster and told it to go away or he would kill it.
My dad jumped off a garage with an umbrella when he was a kid after watching marry popins and broke both of his ankles, he later was in a bike wreck and lost his front teeth, then fell into a ravine when the vine he was swinging across broke injuring his knee, then just a few years later was hit by lightning through a building while working on his college campus as a security guard ruining his brand new tennis shoes and burning his mouth from the metal in the replacement teeth.
When I was 14 I got Shot!, in the knee, with a nail gun, that I was holding.
I tore a muscle in my shoulder when I was trying to win a crazy flip contest at a pool [for which there was no prize, (totally not worth it)],
I was run over by a car!, my foot got caught under the wheel when I stepped out of the still moving vehicle.
I was in flipping car wreck, several wrecks just one flipping wreck.
I cut my heal to the bone on a piece of rubber when falling off of a jet ski and finally, the kicker broke my dang foot the first time I sparred in Karate.
Here's what I think... My dad did some crazy stuff and it didn't work out for him so he got hurt a lot. My brothers are full of crap, they never get hurt so I think they make up everything they say. When I see some brokenness instead of some hard to believe stories after the fact, then maybe I might buy some of this crap they keep feeding me.
I mean really, do they think it's impressive to tell stories like that? Maybe if they were true and they had some scars or something to show for it. But who wants to hear about an impossible feat that you don't have video to prove, no witnesses to support and no injuries to back you up.
Everybody believes the stuff I tell them cause I am still bleeding or limping when the hear about it, But come on, unless you have some of that sweet stuff or at least some evidence to support your freaking claim, shut up!
What really I think happens is they all got used to hearing dads stories and being impressed and then fabricated or at least exaggerative their own experiences because they want to be cool too.
Take it from me brothers, you don't want to be cool. You seriously need to hurt yourselves if you want to be cool, it's just the only way, I mean look at me, I get hurt all the time, I think I'm a cool guy.
I'm not saying this just so you guys will have to suffer pain for my amusement. No way. Not at all. Not in the least. I don't think that you should play in the street so that you can get clipped by a car, and I don't think that you should try to make your own hang glider and test it off the barn back home, nor do I think that you should tease the prize winning bulls that our neighbor bud has next door, I probably shouldn't have said any of this, I didn't really need to bring it up I guess. And I don't think that I should suggest that you guys should try to catch those raccoons that keep tearing into the trash barrels either.
You guys should probably try to avoid all of these things and the like as they might potentially cause you harm and leave you with permanent scars as reminders of the crazy things you have done not to mention elaborate stories that you will have to re-live over and over in groups of people who want to know why you can't open your hand all the way or why you can't play football with the kiddies. Nope, you guys don't want that, trust me.
A couple short years ago, another brother told me how a grade-schooler threw a rock that weighed as much as two persons heads (20-30 lbs) at his chest with one hand while he unsuspectedly ate watermelon. After being hit with the rock, unable to catch his breath while choking on watermelon, was drug around the state park by this tiny little man.
My baby brother called me a few days ago to tell me about fighting a monster that was trying to catch my sisters boyfriend, after fighting for a while he just yelled at the monster and told it to go away or he would kill it.
My dad jumped off a garage with an umbrella when he was a kid after watching marry popins and broke both of his ankles, he later was in a bike wreck and lost his front teeth, then fell into a ravine when the vine he was swinging across broke injuring his knee, then just a few years later was hit by lightning through a building while working on his college campus as a security guard ruining his brand new tennis shoes and burning his mouth from the metal in the replacement teeth.
When I was 14 I got Shot!, in the knee, with a nail gun, that I was holding.
I tore a muscle in my shoulder when I was trying to win a crazy flip contest at a pool [for which there was no prize, (totally not worth it)],
I was run over by a car!, my foot got caught under the wheel when I stepped out of the still moving vehicle.
I was in flipping car wreck, several wrecks just one flipping wreck.
I cut my heal to the bone on a piece of rubber when falling off of a jet ski and finally, the kicker broke my dang foot the first time I sparred in Karate.
Here's what I think... My dad did some crazy stuff and it didn't work out for him so he got hurt a lot. My brothers are full of crap, they never get hurt so I think they make up everything they say. When I see some brokenness instead of some hard to believe stories after the fact, then maybe I might buy some of this crap they keep feeding me.
I mean really, do they think it's impressive to tell stories like that? Maybe if they were true and they had some scars or something to show for it. But who wants to hear about an impossible feat that you don't have video to prove, no witnesses to support and no injuries to back you up.
Everybody believes the stuff I tell them cause I am still bleeding or limping when the hear about it, But come on, unless you have some of that sweet stuff or at least some evidence to support your freaking claim, shut up!
What really I think happens is they all got used to hearing dads stories and being impressed and then fabricated or at least exaggerative their own experiences because they want to be cool too.
Take it from me brothers, you don't want to be cool. You seriously need to hurt yourselves if you want to be cool, it's just the only way, I mean look at me, I get hurt all the time, I think I'm a cool guy.
I'm not saying this just so you guys will have to suffer pain for my amusement. No way. Not at all. Not in the least. I don't think that you should play in the street so that you can get clipped by a car, and I don't think that you should try to make your own hang glider and test it off the barn back home, nor do I think that you should tease the prize winning bulls that our neighbor bud has next door, I probably shouldn't have said any of this, I didn't really need to bring it up I guess. And I don't think that I should suggest that you guys should try to catch those raccoons that keep tearing into the trash barrels either.
You guys should probably try to avoid all of these things and the like as they might potentially cause you harm and leave you with permanent scars as reminders of the crazy things you have done not to mention elaborate stories that you will have to re-live over and over in groups of people who want to know why you can't open your hand all the way or why you can't play football with the kiddies. Nope, you guys don't want that, trust me.
posted by Joses @ 4:10 PM
2 Comments:
At 4:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
Hey JosEs!….your Entry was AWESOME not even kidding it so interesting to see what you have to say about things ..I like reading them they make me laugh …(really not Joking)..your so funny…. And I find it funny to hear how other people get hurt…At least its not me!…even if its true or not. It makes me feel better for the stupid ways I get hurt…. . And I hate those stupid raccoons….I have been chased by one before when I was with Jenna.. not fun…I was still freaking out even when I was not even close to near it any more…..and I have been bit by a squirrel trying to catch it and had to get a Shot!…(and I have a scare to prove that one..lol)….well any ways back to how what I think about your blog…mmm…can‘t really think of much more …and sorry its not that long of comment but if you would write more entries I would put comment on them and I would so read them…
At 8:19 AM,
Anonymous said…
You suck at telling micheal's story.That was one the worst reiterations i have ever read and i dont know about any of the other stories but it doesn't sound like you could have screwed those up too much.
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