White stuff

Snow is a demonic plague that falls upon it's innocent unsuspecting victims disguised as a wonderful pleasure only to reveal it's ture nature as a cold blanket of death.

I don't really care for snow.

The main reason for this is because it makes me cold, and I don't like to be cold. What I like even less than being cold is being cold and wet. Some people like their muscles spasming out of a desperate attempt to create heat, personally thats not my cup of tea. (mmm, tea is warm and wet)

I've had it said to me that snow is beautiful. A friend once told me that they loved the snow because when it fell it created a blanket over everything that covered up all the problems so that everything was pure and white.
My impression is similar but it doesn't make me feel good. I know what is there underneath that blanket, I know that things are not gone, they are just covered up a bit. Soon enough all of this white stuff will turn to a greyish colour, melt away and create a sloppy mess which makes it more difficult to take care of those problems that it was covering.

This is my impression because I don't care for the stuff. It's not to be taken as an over whelming truth, it is merely an expression of my state of mind, similar to the statement of my friend above it's just an expression of their process of reasoning.

To be honest I should give a disclaimer. I said "a friend once told me", actually the following comment has been given by many snow lovers not just one. The statement was a condensed paraphrase of a collection of comments.

So my "friends" discription of snow provides me no comfort. I think this because I don't care to have my problems cover up like maybe my friend does.
My friend also drinks when things get tough and they feel overwhelmed, because they tell me that it gives them a break from their problems. They know that it doesn't help their problems, but they know that it keeps them from feeling them for awhile.

This seems like lifting the edge of the rug to finish sweeping the floor. This is a thing that ought to be laughed at in cartoons. When it happenes in reality it should not be ignored or made lite of.

Usually this train of though begins and escilates to a point so far from the beggining that you forget where you started from and some times the reason for starting.
As a youngster I was given jobs and chores that I didn't want to do. To demonstrait my maturity
I would try to get out of the job, sometimes I would start playing while I was on the job, sometimes I would think finish the job in an unacceptable way, other times I would ignore the job alltogether.

Clean up the kitchen.

I would start with the easiest Job. Sweeping the kitchen floor which I always liked to do. Then I wouold clean off the table, and counter tops, brush the dust and crubs off onto the floor, then I would sweep the floor again. Since I hated to wash dishes I saved them till the end, but once I started I would play with the soap making bubbles and suds untill the water ran cold, then I would claim that I couldn't do it because there was no hott water. Often times this job would have to be finished the following day. This would now mean that the floor was dirty again, the table would have to be cleaned off again, the water would need to be run again, and finally I would get to take a break from all this terrible work and play with the soap. I come from a big family so there were lots of dishes, we had a dish washer, actually we had six or seven at any given time between my siblings and parents. But the dishes didn't ever seem to get done quickly when I was doing it. I would take breaks to watch TV, for a few moments, then I would only wash during commercials, after awhile I would have to finish the show all together before I started the dishes at all.

Since then I have grown up a bit. I still despise washing the dishes. But instead of finding ways to cover up the job or take breaks from it, I more often wash dishes when I am finished using them, or when there are only a few of them to do. Sometimes I can be a bit obsessive about it but normally not. Unfourtunatly I don't keep the kitchen floor as clean as I used to but that's a sacrifice that needed to be made.

The problems in my life are slowly but clearly becomming less and less. Nither are the problems very big, nor are they very seriouse most of the time. Usually they are easily deal with, and are no longer problems by the time anyone else catches wind of them. It has not been easy.
It has certainly taken alot more discipline than I care to admit to stop sweeping the dirt underneath the rug, to stop ignoring the dishes, to stop drinking, to stop watching TV, to stop finding things to do instead of covering up the problems that rear their ugly heads.
I think altogether it has been worth giving up the fun of my bubble breaks.

Now I have alot more time to play in the snow.

Cashless

I am almost out of money. I looked through my two check books today and realised that if I am to pay anymore bills I will need to close one account and transfer funds to the other. How sad. I have maintained them both in healthy states for a matter of time now. And I have felt good about it.

When I resigned from my well paying job ten monthes ago I understood that I was going to have to become accoustomed to a less comfortable finacial state.
I thought about being poor, and I decided that I would be okay with it.
Since I was not forced to make this decision I think I went through it all in my head to convince myself that I could handle it. "After all money isn't everything, and it can't by happyness! "

No it certainly doesn't, but what money does do is pay for my cell phone which I use to talk to the people that give me great joy. Money pays for the water and the electricity that allows me warm baths which makes me very happy everymorning and at various times throughout the winter. Money provides the petrolium which powers my beautiful car that travels me accross the states for whatever reason pleasures my mind at that time. And money supplies that which is beloved and good, that which is needed by all, that which is of utmost importants... Money BuysFood!

Now that I have become increasingly aware of my spendings over the last few months, I see that I can make it by on very little. I can even lead a disciplined life on a comfortable level with little concern. Now that I have experienced this after a time of great wealth in my life, I can more appropriatly appreciate what I little I do have. I now know that a dollar doesn't stretch very far.
But what I do know is if you have Ten$Dollars, You can buy a pound of meat, a bag of flour, a gallon of milk, a head of lettuce, a carton of eggs, baking soda and butter, from which you can combine in a number of ways to feed yourself for a whole week! If you shop at a low priced food source you may also be able to save enough money to purchase a small variety of fruits to accompany your meal selection. Never underestimate the satisfeeding power of RAMEN.

If a man can intelegently manage his funds however small they are he would surely accomplish much with great means. But if a man must borrow and loan with any amount, no great amount will satisfy his needs.

What have I learned from my legal poverty?
I like money. It's good to have.
But I am well enough without it.
At least I can still eat.